Lard Belly

I’ve been on a Butter Bob binge.  What is a Butter Bob?  He’s a YouTube personality who has his own low carb channel where he discusses just exactly how butter makes your pants fall off.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Butter and other fats can help reduce your girth.

No, do not slurp on a butter shake throughout the day.  Please.

I’ve been off and on following a low carb diet for several years.  I hadn’t realized just how long until I looked at my Facebook On This Day section and saw that I was dieting at least five years ago.  Why aren’t I slim and trim by now?  Christmas.  Birthdays.  My mom’s house…to name a few reasons.  I haven’t been serious about it, is what I’m saying.  While I’ve been determined that I want to reach a certain weight,  those damnable cookies haunt me until I give in and shove a few into my fat face!  Oh, it’s more than a few.

I originally started a low carb diet after having one of my million kids-I can’t remember which child, but I did gain a lot of weight during pregnancy.  I took it as my chance to eat all of the crap I normally did not in hopes of my “baby bump” being more obvious sooner because when I first started having kids, I was very thin and really didn’t show until about five months.  Up until that point I mainly looked a little bloated.  My obstetrician told me to slow down because all of the weight I gained I would have to lose and that is no easy process.  Why didn’t I listen??

So after having one of my babies, I decided enough was definitely enough and read through an Atkins low carb diet book.  At that time, my metabolism was still fairly functional and as I started Induction, the weight started falling off.  Unfortunately, I was unaware of “keto-flu” and proceeded to become very light-headed, nauseous, and severely fatigued.  I only lasted about 48 hrs before I had to give up and drink some Gatorade.  I couldn’t care for a baby and not be able to get up off the couch.  I tried the diet on two separate occasions and promptly quit;  I got sick each time.

Years later, after witnessing both of my grandparents have to live with Type 2 diabetes, I decided that I really don’t want to deal with that as I get older.  Having to limit foods and take insulin shots is not on my agenda for my Golden Years.  So I did more reading and tried it again.  For some reason, I never got the keto-flu again.  I’ve stopped and started many times and have not gotten sick at all.  I have no clue why but I’m not complaining, of course.

My weight comes off at a snail’s pace;  it just doesn’t want to budge.  I was able to lose about ten pounds for my brother’s wedding two years ago but trust me, I’ve found them again.  I was resistant to the idea that diet soda can actually cause you to gain weight so I drank all I wanted with the thinking that there are no calories so that’s great, it’s a free for all.  Unfortunately,  for me at least, that doesn’t seem to hold true.  I’m going to cut down and then eliminate diet soda.  This makes me sad but my dentist happy.

In my attempt to conquer this diet and make it my bitch, so to speak, I’ve been looking into reasons why it hasn’t been.  Well, I can’t say it isn’t working, but it isn’t working fast enough, in my opinion-I’m a very impatient person.  So I’ve been scouring the low carb message boards, going through the entire catalog of Butter Bob’s videos, and basically dissecting just what it is I eat in any given day.  I eat too damn much!

Butter Bob details how he lost 145 pounds in 14 months.  That’s exceptional, right?  And he did it by eating a low carb/high fat diet-he didn’t eat anything fancy;  no expensive shakes or pills, no insane exercise regimen…he ate butter!  Let me clarify, he did not scoop off hunks of butter from a stick and shove it directly into his mouth, but he did use it to cook with along with lard.  He fried bacon every morning and added heavy whipping cream to his coffee.  All of these things I can do!  But what really intrigued me is the fact that he does intermittent fasting, which I’m trying today.

I’ve heard people discussing their intermittent fasts, or IF, if you want to be fancy, on the message boards.  They can vary in length and how many times per week.  I decided to try the fast that goes from dinner to dinner so as I’m sitting here typing, my stomach is a little rumbly because I haven’t eaten since last night.  I can do it.  I won’t die.  I have plenty of fat for my body to live off for these measly 24 hrs, and then some!  I figure if Butter Bob can do it and lose a whopping 145 pounds, then I can certainly give it a try in an effort to help along my goal to lose about 25 piddly pounds.

I made the decision yesterday that I’d give the fast a whirl.  I watched Butter Bob cook his fried chicken in lard so I made a quick shopping trip and picked up the bone-in chicken thighs and legs along with some garlic to make my garlic butter to spread over the cooked chicken.  I was drooling at the thought.  My mom saw that I’d bought some lard the other day and this was our conversation:

What are you going to do with that lard?

I’m going to cook with it.

But that’s not good for you!  Aren’t you worried for your health?

It’s not bad for me following my low carb diet-I’m not going to drink it…and besides, I’m quite sure Grandma cooked with it when you were a kid.

No…I don’t think so.  But she did cook with bacon grease…

She’s so funny!  I laughed at her response because she said it so innocently.  Lard is pig fat, bacon grease is pig fat.  The difference is that bacon grease is very salty and contains whatever seasonings were present in the bacon itself.  Depending on the brand, I’m sure there are preservatives in there.  Lard is just pure pork fat.

I fried up what felt like a hundred pounds of chicken pieces-it seems to take quite awhile to get the skin crispy and browned so I just kept it frying until it looked pretty.  My kids liked it and since it’s also cheap, I’ll probably make it fairly often.  I can cook up quite a bit on the weekend and have it throughout the week if I just throw it in a ziplock bag.

How does it look?

img_0231
It was delicious-especially with the garlic butter on top.

I had two thighs and a drumstick and was absolutely stuffed and I was hopeful that it was enough calories to tide me over until dinner today.  So far so good!  I’ll let you know how the scale treats me in the morning after having more fried chicken tonight.

 

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Have an egg in your coffee

Have you ever put an egg in your coffee?

If you’ve never been on a low carb diet, you may not have heard about bulletproof coffee.  It involves coffee, butter, an egg, and coconut oil and blending together until frothy.  The egg is undetectable to the palate and if you blend it well enough, it isn’t oily, either.  People generally drink this as a breakfast substitute and because of the amount of fat, it can keep you satisfied until lunch.

I don’t generally drink bulletproof coffee but since I haven’t been losing and made the decision to experiment with my diet, I made one for myself this morning and I’m drinking it as I type.  I didn’t add butter to my coffee this time because I want to try it with just the coconut oil and see how the scale looks tomorrow.  I’ll switch it up in a few days to see if that makes any impact.  Here’s hoping!

I know the idea of a raw egg in your coffee sounds a little gross but it does get cooked as it’s being whipped in the hot coffee itself.  I didn’t use an actual blender because I’m lazy and like to do things as easy as possible.  Instead, I used my Ninja Coffee Bar-I have this one, and the built-in frother does the job nicely.  Before I brewed the coffee, I added some cinnamon to the grounds because it tastes nice.

So the basic idea is brew, plop, froth.

The fat goes in with the egg to make some nutritional sciencey stuff which you can google to your heart’s content.  I don’t know if it really works so I’m going to try it out in my experimental process.  The low carb forums I belong to sure seem to think it’s the Holy Grail of coffee breakfast drinks and it won’t kill me.  Probably.


It just looks a bit like a cappuccino, right?  I promise, you can’t taste the egg.

I broke my liver

After drinking every day for the past, say, ten years, aside from the occasional hangover recovery day, I haven’t been able to bounce back.  I haven’t had any alcohol for nearly 30 days and I assumed the weight would melt off of me in puddles.  No such luck, sadly.

I allowed myself nearly two weeks to eat ice cream and other fatty, sugary foods in an effort to be a little kind to my system during its detox.  Obviously there’s no medical necessity for this but my brain needed a break.  Cue expansion of butt.

I’ve tried quite a few different diets over the years but I seem to be happiest on a low carb, Atkins style diet.  That doesn’t mean I actually lose much, but I love bacon and can have it eating low carb.  I’m not sure I’ve actually done this diet and gone longer than one week with no alcohol.  Why?  I’m all about instant gratification and if I gave up something I loved, wine, I expected to see some results.  Fast.  Since I didn’t lose while not drinking, I’d decide Why suffer? If I’m not going to lose anyway, might as well enjoy some wine.  And the cycle continued of dieting, drinking, and not losing.

I’m going to try my hand at patience-it’s certainly not one of my strong suits, but I don’t have much choice.  I’m not happy with how I look so I need to do something about it.  Only I can fix Me, right?

So here we are, adjustment time.  No sweets, no breads or pastas, no liquor…No fun.  I’m kidding, I’m not feeling as though I’m missing out on anything, really.   I know I can do this, it’s the waiting that kills me.

My scale has been broken for about a year-it seems to be stuck at the same weight without budging.  Well, until this morning, that is.  It was about five pounds less than it has been shouting at me for months.  Thank the Lord!

Here are some low carb foods I enjoy eating:

  • Eggs
  • Beef
  • Butter
  • Half and half
  • Avocados
  • Nuts

All of these full flavored and full of fat foods are acceptable on this diet and if I feel hungry, I go back for more.  It’s pretty simple. If I were to try a complicated diet, I’d never stick with it.

Do I see myself ever being 120 pounds again?  Only in my dreams where I have a fantastic super charged metabolism and waif like figure-a time in my life where I could eat whatever and whenever I wanted and only needed to sneeze to lose five pounds.  Life was good!  But I was also only 19 and I wouldn’t go back there for anything.

We’ll see how it goes and all I have to lose is, oh…30 pounds…!

The kids wanted me to make a stir fry for dinner and while theirs had hoisin sauce in it-which contains sugar,  I made a separate batch that used only soy sauce.  It’s fairly easy to make modifications in order for us to all eat the same meal.  We can all be happy!