Wino

Day 4

I haven’t had a drink since Monday night when I decided that I really need to let my liver have a vacation.  I came to that conclusion after my second martini.

Wine is my favorite drink;  red wine, to be specific.  I follow wine people on Instagram-they’re always cheery with a full glass in their hands wearing their fancy dresses and high heels that I’d break my neck in.  There’s a certain alluring quality to the image.

The reality is, I don’t have occasion to wear the fancy dresses or high heels.  I drink to quiet my mind and have a sense of peace, even if it only lasts until I refill my glass.  I’d like to say it hasn’t become an issue.  I’d like to say that I don’t think about it a thousand times throughout the day.

I’m overwhelmed with the chaos my oldest son has brought to my house.  His drug addiction and the “friends” who follow him are inescapable.  I have mothers and aunts showing up at my door looking for their kids.  “I have no idea where they are,”  I say.  Because I don’t and I really don’t care.

His drug addiction has infested my house like a bad case of roaches and no matter what I do to try to rid myself of them, they multiply and hide in the shadows.

Have you ever heard what comes out of an addict’s mouth?

“Fuck the police.”

“I stabbed my mom’s boyfriend in the head.”

“I’m not afraid of guns.”

“I hate you and wish you’d never been born.”

One of the many reasons I’ve become so fond of having a glass in my hand-It settles these conversations;  quiets them enough so I can get through my day.  But lately, the drinks have become the louder voice and infiltrate any quiet I manage to get.

So I’m taking a break.  It’s hard.  Real hard, I won’t lie.

I have a restraining order against my son and between that and everything else he brings, I’ve been a bit stressed.  Understatement of the century, folks.  But I have other kids and they deserve more than a mom too buried in guilt and intoxication to take them out to dinner or to go buy book 4 in the series they’re reading.

I’ll do it because I can and because I don’t like to lose.

 

11 thoughts on “Wino

  1. Im sorry to hear about your sons addiction, I feel you because my brother is the same and we dont know what to do with him anymore. He fights back with everybody and answer back in a harsh way, wishing we didnt hear it, those words that comes out of an addict person sounds familiar. 😔 Anyway enjoy your glass of wine and that book. Ive read that too 🙂 God Bless 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • An addict has to really want to change and it’s hard to convince them that it will get better. I’m not sure what it will take for my son, I just hope it happens sooner rather than later.
      I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that with your brother. It’s maddening!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t know what it feels like what you’re going through, but I hope light shines over your family and son too. Its hard work to help an addict when they don’t want to be helped, but all that matters is you try and you won’t lose. Stay positive and don’t let yourself drain, your other kids need you..hoping for the very best, both you and your family through this hard time ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have only a hint of knowledge about what you’re going through, but every now and then I try getting off sugar, and believe me — those four days can be hard. I believe I’ll give it another go. Just remember — there are a lot of people sharing your struggle in their own way,no matter which addiction/dependence they’re trying to kick. And we’re all wishing you the best.

    And then there’s this: you can’t control your son’s behavior but you can control your own.

    Liked by 1 person

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