I’m not sure how to start this; I don’t know where to begin. How do you tell the world that your son uses drugs?
My son is addicted to meth.
I returned from my trip to Vegas feeling refreshed, inspired, relaxed…
Those feelings didn’t last long.
I came back to my house after being gone a week-I’m not the best housekeeper, but I try. I knew I was leaving my 21-year-old son in charge of the house-I spent the weekend cleaning. I mopped, cleaned the bathroom, did the dishes, vacuumed, stocked the refrigerator…he was set. I knew he would probably have a few friends over, which I dreaded, but I needed him to be around the house to care for the dogs and cats. I didn’t ask him to do anything but make sure they were all fed, could go out to relieve themselves, and keep the house locked up. I don’t think this was too much to ask.
While I was gone, I would text him periodically to get a status report. I wanted some peace of mind. He’d respond when he felt like it to say, “Yes, the dogs have food. Yes, I locked the house. Yes, I have not been abducted by aliens.”
The floors were covered in black footprints, the sink was full of dirty dishes, there were clothes strewn about (not his, but stranger’s clothes), and the door was not locked. I found a broken meth pipe in my kitchen sink as well as two miniature plastic baggies. I looked inside the refrigerator and found that someone had broken off one of the cubbies on the door. I don’t know what the hell happened.
My son and I spend more time arguing and fighting than we do having any sort of meaningful relationship that a mother and son should have. He’s lived in this house his entire life. I would find out years later that some kids at school introduced him to marijuana in 6th grade. You can say all you want about marijuana-tell me how great it is for cancer patients, how it is the cure for all that ails you, that it will bring world peace. But don’t try to tell me that it is not a gateway drug. My experience with my son tells me the complete opposite.
Before I told my boy that he could stay in the house and have a couple of friends over, I had kicked him out. I told him that he could stay next door in the garage (my deceased Grandmother’s house, long story) because I was sick of all of his drug buddies disturbing my household at all hours of the day; it was nonstop. Unfortunately, his living in the garage turned into hordes of people also living in the garage. So now, instead of these undesirables coming to my door, they were frequenting the garage directly next door to me and entering the premises from both the front yard and the alley. The garage had turned into a drug den. I couldn’t catch a break-there were people walking and driving at all hours of the night in order to do God knows what besides just getting high. There was even a mom who would drop off her 17-year-old son next door, and I’m quite sure she knew what was going on.
I confronted him. I told him I was done, I couldn’t put up with this. How could he bring his drugs into my house when he has younger siblings that live here with me (thankfully they are old enough to know better than to pick things up and put them in their mouths)? Back to the garage, ye go! We argued, it got animated. I told him I’d call the police on him to which he replied, “Go ahead, I’ll slit my throat!” He said that twice so I called the local police department and told them that my son was suicidal-they promptly appeared on my property and said they’d talk to him. One officer was very smiley which I felt was inappropriate, given the circumstances. They talked to him for less than five minutes and then left with no further contact with me. Nothing. That left my son free to return to the garage.
Sunday morning, my son showed up at the front door. I asked him what he wanted and he said he was hungry. Fine. I let him in and he went to the kitchen where he proceeded to try to pour a bowl of cereal from an empty box. He kept shaking it over the bowl and, of course, nothing came out. I opened a new box and poured some for him, all the while taking mental notes of his strange behavior. He began to take a bite full of dry cereal and said, “Hey, don’t you want any milk? Your cereal is dry.” He said it was fine but I poured some milk on it anyway. He stood in the kitchen doorway eating his cereal as it spilled all over himself and the floor, which he didn’t notice or didn’t care about.
“You’re either drunk or high, which is it?”
“What are you on, you’re on something.”
“No, I’m not.”
He set his bowl down and went to his room and shut the door. I went to check on him a few minutes later and caught him semi upright on his bed swaying from side to side. I took video as proof to show him later. I told him to lie down and gave him a nudge so he’d roll on his side. At this point I decided to call my husband and ask his advice and show him the video because he was acting out of character. He told me I should call 911 because it seemed that he was overdosing on something. Cue 911.
While the paramedics were tending to my son, one of the officers asked me to go outside so he could ask me some questions about the events leading up to this. I explained that he’d threatened suicide and nothing was done, and that I was at my wit’s end with this drug culture he’d brought into my house, into my family, and into the garage next door. I’d spoken to this particular officer on a separate occasion pertaining to my son and he was well aware of the situation. Out of all of this chaos, I was struck by his kindness. He gave me some background information on some of the kids that were hanging out next door, gave me some advice, and above all, made me feel like I didn’t totally suck as a human being.
The ambulance whisked my son away to our local hospital. It’s about a five minute walk from here but I’m sure the bill is in the thousands just for the gas to propel them forward. I waited for two hours in the emergency waiting room before they found him a bed. Sunday is a busy time in the ER, apparently, or at least this particular Sunday was. One man decided that he needed his leg checked out. He’d hurt it recently and could walk on it but it just didn’t feel quite right yet. A mother brought her young son in whose head hurt-I don’t know if he fell or what but as she was standing in line, I heard him say with tears in his eyes, “Mommy, my head really hurts.” Her reply? “And tears help you how? Why are you crying? Stop it and go sit down.” She was busy updating her social media while her son sat, alone, on the furthest chair he could find from her.
I was wondering who, out of the entire waiting room, was actually there for an emergency. Were any of them waiting to hear about their son who was possibly overdosing?
So many thoughts go through your head.
If only I’d done things differently.
As a Mom, torturing yourelf isn’t going to help. You didn’t force your child to use drugs. It won’t change anything. You have to move forward.
The doctor asked him if he’d used any drugs, he told me. I’m thinking, “Are you kidding me? He lies to me, his mom, do you really think he’s going to be honest with you?” I wish I’d said that, but I didn’t. They ran a urine test, did an EKG, blood tests…they don’t wait for the blood tests to come back, apparently. The urinalysis showed marijuana and meth. I told the doctor about the threats of suicide and he said, “Well, that was a week ago, we can’t do anything.”
I’m ready to scream at this point. Nobody listens. Nobody cares.
I’m witnessing first hand why there are so many homeless in my area.
To Be Continued.